Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.

When I saw this statement on Brene Brown’s page, I had a flood of thoughts when it comes to how it relates to relationships. So I thought I would share...

As a relationship therapist, I see just how much being unclear can interfere with the general flow of EVERY relationship in our lives, not just a romantic one. So many unnecessary negative emotions flare up when we aren’t clear about our boundaries, our true feelings, our expectations (just to name a few) within our relationships. 

We are ALL seeing life through different lenses and our perception is our reality. If we don’t clearly communicate how WE are experiencing something within a relationship from our perspective then resentment builds, assumptions take over on both parts and before you know it, a mountain is made of a mole hill! Simply by not being clear.

By not being clear we are subconsciously (or consciously) hoping that our partner/friend/family member/co-worker just figure it out without ALL the information and when they don’t we are disappointed! It’s like expecting them to put together a puzzle without all the pieces - it’s unrealistic and impossible to see the full picture. As hard as it may be to say, at least give them a chance to understand where our head is by being clear - otherwise it can become an unfair expectation and that’s where the unkind part comes in. Often the other side of the relationship has no idea we are struggling with a specific issue (remember-they have their own lense too) and they are grateful when it is shared. I see this in my office all the time!!!

Let’s be kind in our relationships by being super clear on all fronts. In an emotionally safe relationship, it’s a GOOD thing to honestly and clearly communicate in the long run... even when it’s hard. Think of it this way - Isn’t it harder to live with the ongoing resentment then it is to clearly speak your truth and get through it? Just remember when doing so that it’s typically not what we say but HOW we say it. It’s important to be intentional with our words.

Now go forth and be clear with your bad self... and others in your life! 😉