Assumptions in Relationships

"What is one of the most important things to do in order to strengthen a relationship?"
"Stop assuming things!"

Assumptions cause so much needless suffering - I never fully grasped that concept until I started working as a relational therapist. Parent/child, husband/wife, friend/friend - no relationship is immune to the negativity of assumptions. 

I was thinking recently about how much time humans spend on thoughts that start with an assumption. "She didn't text me back - she must be purposely avoiding me!" "He rarely hugs me - he's not attracted to me anymore." "She's not talking much tonight - she doesn't want to be here with me." 

We all do it. It's human nature. It's also BS. We create mountains out of mole hills silently in our minds and in turn create unnecessary distance between one another. Assumptions ARE indeed the termites of relationships. They eat away at us under the surface and then we wonder why the relational house we built with someone slowly crumbles. It's all about prevention and the pesticide is some good ole fashion communication ya'll.

How do you avoid assumptions?
-Be aware that you are assuming to begin with by asking yourself, "Is this a fact or an assumption?"
-Be transparent. ASK each other what's truly going on instead of assuming the worst. 99.9% of the time there is usually more to the story. You just simply have to ask with a calm, non-attack delivery. 
-Communicate with others as clearly as you can and express what you really want in order to avoid misunderstandings. 

*Needless suffering avoided ✔️

🔹Jill Simpson, MA, PLPC